rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
