I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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