If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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