ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
found the other keg... it's in the tree
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
