I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
