I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
