the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
