So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
