woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
