We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize