Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
