Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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