it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
