are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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