the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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