Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
