am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
