omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
