just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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