i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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