I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
