At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
