would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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