I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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