How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
