a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I am available for nakedness
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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