spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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