And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
