new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize