I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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