I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
