I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
