It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
