my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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