I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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