sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
