i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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