i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
