When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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