sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
