Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
