i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
