I think im going to throw up on grandma
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
