i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
