M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
