you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
