Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
