Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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