Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
