This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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