im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
