Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
