I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
