My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
