Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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