She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
All I want is dick and wine.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
