I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
