i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
