after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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