Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
