i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
