We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
