I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
