Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
