A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
