this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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