I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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