the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
