Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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